Game Reviews
Bayonetta's earlier boss fights
Devil May Fap – Bayonetta Review

I’m not really what one could call a Devil May Cry lover. I played a few hours through the first one, totally forgot the second (and fate told me I was right), died like 40 times on the third one’s first couple of levels and had a few hours spent on the fourth installment. But all in all, I’ve always wanted to love that damn game, without really being able to do it. Never knew if that was because of the difficulty, the genre itself, or Dante acting like teenage douchebag, but I never got into it. But when Hideki Kamiya announced Bayonetta and showed it behind closed doors during E3 2008, I was pissing myself with exaltation. What I saw was the ultimate action game and I wanted to play it so bad that any other game this year seemed dull (well, except Super Street Fighter IV, obviously). And here it is, between my hands, finished once, and waiting for me to deflower its New Game +.


ANGELS MAY CRY

Let’s face it: At first glance, Bayonetta is nothing but a blatant DMC rip-off. A shit-ton of weapons and moves to unlock/buy, vicious enemies, huge bosses, horrendous combos, the only difference might be that unlike Dante, you are a demon witch kicking angels’ asses. But this is just for the first glance. If you take the time of analyzing a bit more into it, the game is quite different. To succeed in the game, you don’t have to master impossible 125-hit juggle combos or secret big ass techniques. The whole point of the game is that all the combos are quite easy to perform and that the only “difficulty” will come from the perfect timing to avoid being hit. After half an hour of play, everything will become quite natural. But do not believe that the game is too easy or simplistic as the scoring mechanics are really dense and can let you play as hardcore as you want. Besides, trying to have a “Pure Platinum” rank on each chapter will demand a lot of work, I assure you.

Oh, and be relieved: the game is not short at all. My first playthrough had me rushing from prologue to final boss in eleven and a half hours on normal difficulty. And I was really far from having all the weapons, techniques, hidden verses (hidden fights, so to say), and such. So the New Game + really adds something to the experience, including a hard mode that goes further than just “enemies are stronger and you lose health faster”. Overall, Bayonetta is already worth its sixty bucks. And I’m just at the middle of my review.


PURE SUGAR COATED CRACK-COCAINE POURED INTO YOUR EYES

Okay we got it: Bayonetta (whether the game or the character) is GORGEOUS. As the many videos and demos only showed Europe-inspired architectures, it was legitimate to be afraid that the whole game would follow the same artistic direction. And you know what? It isn’t at all. Our witchy bitch will travel a lot and all the environments you will see will slap your face with a rusty spiked bat of bliss and happiness. Whether it be a town in flames or some heavenly gardens, you will be amazed by the beauty of the game and the fact that the artistic direction always manages to keep a thin balance between “over the top” and “incredibly beautiful”.


HOLISHIT THAT BOSS IS ONLY HALFWAY THROUGH THE GAME!

Here is what makes Bayonetta such a great game: Excess. When a game starts its prologue on a chunk of broken bell tower falling into oblivion at an incredible speed with you having to fight on it, you know that this game will try to keep you focused and exhilarated.

But it will be harder to guess that Bayonetta is to video games what Gurren Lagann is to anime. If you don’t know Gurren Lagann, just know that it is a 27 episode anime where, around episode 8, the hero’s mecha is already the size of three battleships. And this goes bigger and bigger till the very last episode. Well Bayonetta is a bit like this. If the first bosses are on a 15/1 scale, we’ll reach a 147/1 scale pretty quickly, and the last bosses could inadvertently kill some of the guys from Shadow of the Colossus just by sneezing next to them. As you can guess, we are facing a game that IS NOT HERE FOR KIDDING, OKAY?


Oh I’m a naughty boy. I lied to you. Of course the game kids. In fact, it’s almost kidding all the time. Boob shots, crotch shots, a scenario that even the characters make fun of, it is clearly impossible to think that Bayonetta is serious. As we’re never sure as how to handle Dante’s adventures, our witchy bitch is so well aware of the game she’s starring that we laugh WITH her, and never against her.

I could write a shitload of pages to talk about the music, the barely hidden references (Okami, Godhand, Madworld, Viewtiful Joe) or even the two levels directly paying homage to old school Sega Games, but it would ruin the surprise. Because you WILL buy that game. Why? Because it’s not only an excellent action game. It’s a game that deconstructs, mocks and digests a whole decade of action games, while extracting its very pure and untainted nectar. The reference, for a few years I think.

Pierre-Alexandre Rouillon

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