Lord have mercy. Have mercy lord. What a film. It was Jaws but instead of a great white shark, there was a hot white woman. I had waited to see this on DVD because I wasn’t going to pay to see this in theaters, or even witness the type of a crowd this film would attract. But man, this movie is good at what it does, but it what it does isn’t so great. If you haven’t managed to see this yet, get a harpoon and some barrels. We’re gonna need a bigger boat.

Beyonce Knowles was playing Beyonce Knowles married to Idris Elba. But Idris was working as a stock broker at some firm where all the guys are married to their former secretaries. Beyonce was a former secretary at this very firm, so continuity was lost seeing that she is a popular singer married to Jay-Z. Okay, I’m joking. I know these characters had names, I just didn’t care. For those who don’t know, Ali Larter (from Heroes and maybe something else) is a temp(tress) working at the firm. Right off the bat she sets her eyes on poor gullible Idris. I’m serious, this guy has something wrong with him. Half the time he’s saying “No lady please don’t touch my penis,” or “No wife, please touch my penis again, I’m sorry.” The characters are believable a quarter of the time, but Ali Larter’s character is SO crazy it really is unbelievable. Obsessed was the right name for this film.

Meet Jaws

So when you take everything away, the actors, the story, the – okay I don’t know where I was going with this. You’ve got some entertaining cinema right here. Obvious stuff really, but entertaining. It takes itself a little too seriously in some spots, except at the end when you wish it would’ve taken itself more seriously. For the entire movie you have Idris being totally whipped, calling his wife, all but yelling rape – and then it leads to his wife finding out and sending him to the dog’s dog house. And of course, the film can’t stop there. There has to be a cat fight amirite? Well my good friend, there is one to be had. It began as Jaws and ended as Die Hard – with a little Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull in the middle (rape). When the movie was over, I half expected Jay-Z to hop out of a bush and start a music video. But he’s retired right?

There's a lesson to be learned here. Can't really think of it.

All this movie needed was a little less obviousness and a bit more seriousness and it might have been something of a highlight for all their careers. It could’ve been a pretty good Twilight Zone episode if they’d just made Ali from a parallel dimension where no means yes. You will laugh at this movie, unintentionally but nonetheless you will laugh. Still, something has to be said. Maybe if he’d just told Beyonce about her in the first 20mins he could’ve spent the rest of the time getting her to agree to a threesome. The world will never know. I mean, the dude did what she said – he put a ring on it. She didn’t say what he had to do afterwards.

You can checkout the Audio Review from Hollowman and me at CC-Media.

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