Having just watched The Ugly Truth yesterday, I’ve finally had a revelation as to what it truly means: Katherine Heigl cannot act. Sure, she’s pretty and everything (slightly), but she does not have the ability to get past the paper bag. In fact, I don’t even know why she’s still being cast in movies. Why is this happening? Someone tell me.

Anyway, The Ugly Truth is certainly not the latest romantic comedy to vomit forth from Hollywood, but it is the only one I’ve seen. I guess Netflix is a wonderful thing; mainly because I didn’t pay for this movie, and I’m glad I didn’t. It’s shallow, it’s overdone and it certainly wouldn’t be worth the $9 I’d have to pay to be subjected to jokes at my expense. It would not have been a very good reward for watching this piss-poor excuse for anything. Let’s get on with this, shall we?

Katherine Heigl plays Abby, a control freak producer of a local TV news segment in California whose ratings are pretty much going the way of Gerard Butler’s career. She can’t keep men interested in her, and we’re supposed to feel sorry for her. I can only assume we are since women are always the victim, though. Anyway, she watches a cable access show one night after a date and calls in after Leonidas starts yelling about madness and freedom. Oh, sorry, it’s about how men want nothing but hot bitches hosted by Mike Chadway (Butler). In a pathetic move, Abby makes up the ideal man for her, and then gets told that she’s ugly by Mike. The whole exchange could have been made over the internet, and I don’t think there would have been any variation.

Either way, Abby goes to work the next day to find that Mike is going to be on the show and she pretty much flips out. Of course, Mike is crass and vulgar to her, and she just doesn’t like the man at all. The hatred just doesn’t really transfer to the screen for me though, seeing as how the two leads have absolutely no chemistry. Honestly, you could have replaced Heigl with a ripe orange and nothing would have changed. In fact, with the below face, it could have been amazing.

The movie panders on with clichés and unfunny moments, more inciting a feeling of nausea than laughs. About 28% through the movie, Abby meets a doctor that could be a potential boyfriend. After Mike somewhat grows on her (BUDDING RELATIONSHIP), he helps her attempt to get the guy. This leads to such hilarious moments as what looks like a handjob at a baseball game, a vibrating panty incident and that’s all actually. It wasn’t very funny, honestly.  Oh, I guess that summed up this movie. HAH.

At the end, in a predictable move, Chadway tells Abby that he loves her after she calls out Mike’s flaws (blaming men or whatever), and then Mike rebuts calling out women. In an extremely bitchy move, Abby doesn’t even say that she loves him back until he calls her out on that. What a cunt, I’d punch her out of the balloon. Of course, I’m a manly man. I don’t need help getting women, and I’m certainly not Mike Chadway. I’m a lumberjack, and fuck trees, especially the ones that were wasted on Heigl’s copy of the script.

Oh, and something bothered me. Why were the credits in lower case? Fuck you, use proper English. Also, why wasn’t John Michael Higgins used more? He’s funny.

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