Horsemen of The Gaming Apocalypse
Gamers! For too long we’ve sat idly by as the signs were all around us. We did little but groan and moan when these nuisances popped into our midst. Now, in this current generation, they’ve returned full force to dampen our enjoyment of our $59.99 games. That’s right PC gamers. Your time to pay more is at hand as well. But the time for our division is at an end. We must band together, for the Four Horsemen of the Gaming Apocalypse are here!
Death!
Look into its hideous eye and tell it that it doesn't exist!
Fifty-four percent! And I tell ye that the number is too low! The horseman of death rides his steed into your room and breathes his foul breath onto the soul of your console while you sleep. Your only retribution lies in the justice of a fuzzy towel with which cuddle your dying friend as you attempt to bring warmth back into its frozen heart. Nay, for thou can cast blame upon the messenger Microsoft in pure haste, but the true beast lies far below your feet. The devil’s hands are busy, and your cries of woe beckon his dark designs!
Conquest!
In haste for the quickest deal, Sony has sold your soul to the devil!
Be warned you sinner, for even though you bid your time for magic price of $299, you may miss out on the real treasures the Playstation 3 has to offer. In their sole conquest for winning the console war, Sony has saw fit to remove the added value that was the backwards compatibility. No more can one buy an older title on the cheap and reap the wisdom bestowed by timeless lessons of heroism and bravery. Whilst Jak and Daxter be cast aside for Tools of Destruction, the devil aims his sights not on your SIXAXIS, but your soul!
War!
Blinded by their chipset feud, the devil through his tools has supplanted all!
PC gamers! Your time grows short! For in Nvidia, AMD and Intel’s never ending battle for hardware dominance, an old foe has taken rise amidst the chaos. No longer confined to mere blue screen, but a popup! A signal of dread! Terror grips at one’s chest as what was once a behemoth ice spewing alien turns into a more ominous error code. Not a foe built of pixels but of pure vile. When there is no more room on your hard drive, the dead shall walk the earth! In a Valve game no less!
Famine!
March into the desert for 40 days and 40 nights and you'll find more to play.
Nintendo fans! Beware! Seven years of bad games to be followed by seven days of good! The promise of classic remakes born anew dances in front of you, prompting you to snatch at them. But beware, dancing in front of you is not a promise but a hook. Its intent to reel you into absurdity, turning you into that babbling Wii fan who swears Nintendo does everything with his well being in mind! Do not pity him friends, for he is long gone.
