Television
supernatural
Fall TV Preview: The Good, The Average & CBS

The week has arrived at last for us all to dust off our dvrs that have sat idle during the long drought of summer; but alas, like myself many of you are faced with the unfortunate burden of a full college workload. So what to do? You can’t watch everything on TV, not without your GPA hitting rock bottom faster than Mischa Barton. Yet you don’t want to invest your time in a show FOX will cancel as soon as it becomes good, or even worse be tricked by someone into watching one of the many identically plotted, barely developed, storyline-less, horrid CBS shows.

Well luckily for you I’m here to tell you what shows you need to watch, what shows are question marks, what shows you’ll love to watch but you’ll never tell anyone about (yeah you, we know you got that Hannah Montana season pass, no worries though, your secrets safe here at the campus) and lastly what shows you’d rather be raped with a roll of quarters than slog through.

Sure Bets

Supernatural, Friday Night Lights, Family Guy

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Supernatural

Already hands down the best show on TV, Supernatural ups the ante this season as Lucifer hath risen from his prison in hell. Will Sam turn evil? Can Dean really kill the Devil? Does Bobby like skinny jeans? All questions will be answered as this final season of Supernatural plays to crescendo. Rumor has it we may get at least a cameo from God himself. What other show has the ball skin or writing talent to dare even ponder such a thing? Rhetorical. The answer’s none.

Friday Night Lights

You don’t have DirecTV? Sucks to be you. There’s sure to be more than enough drama and Emmy caliber acting to put another win in the scorecards for this underdog. Last season may have been the low point in the series but it was still leagues above most of the programming out there. Plus with Coach Taylor starting over fresh with a brand new team good things are sure to happen. Here’s hoping the Riggans boys steal some more copper wire this year as well. White trash in real life, not so much fun, white trash on TV, premium entertainment.

Family Guy

Even if you don’t like it, everyone else does. When everyone is talking like Cleveland or Quagmire do you really wanna be the only one who isn’t in on the joke? Thought not. Season pass it. Might as well season pass The Cleveland Show while your at it, sure it will be a hit.

Question Marks

Dollhouse, Vampire Diaries, V

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Dollhouse

The first season of this Joss Whedon vehicle started off slow but quickly became one of the best shows on TV. So why you ask is it on this list? Well, there’s a few reasons. One FOX axed its tag team partner The Sarah Connor Chronicles, so now Dollhouse is left to sail the unfriendly seas of Friday night all by its lonesome, which is never a good thing. Secondly, its on FOX, they cancel everything too soon, and if you’ve been a long time Joss fan you needn’t look back any further than Firefly to find a reason to be worried. At least if it does get axed Joss had the forethought to include a series finale as a bonus episode of the season one boxset.

Vampire Diaries

Will it be more True Blood or will it be more Twilight? If its more Twilight it will, like that be unwatchable and retarded, if not then it may be good. If I were a betting man however, I’d say the odds ain’t looking to good for this one.

Guilty Pleasures

Gossip Girl, 90210, Eastwick

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Gossip Girl

No one likes to admit they watch “girly shows” like this, yet this teen drama just happens to have the best TV character since Deadwood’s Al Swearengen, I’m talking about Chuck Bass of course. Weather it be threesomes, attempted rapes, drug use or just plan sheer asshole behavior, no personality on TV is as likable yet evil as Chuck, his antics alone make this a must see guilty pleasure. Lets not forget there’s allot of other things this show has to offer, mainly the constantly half naked and always completely gorgeous Leighton Meester, or the definition of jailbait herself, Taylor Monsen. So pretend your watching it just for your girlfriends sake, or tell people she dvr’d it, whatever you do, just find a way to watch it without anyone knowing.

90210

Is it good? No. Not even remotely. Its as bad if not worse than the cheesy 90’s edition. So why watch it? One reason only. Jessica Stroup.

Eastwick

Likely a Desperate Housewives knock off this one should appeal to that same generation of men for the same reason… Great plots… Kidding. Milfs & Cougars.

Shows To Miss

Smallville, One Tree Hill, Entire CBS lineup

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Smallville

I expect some fanboy hate on this one but I could careless, my argument is valid. This is Smallville’s ninth season… I repeat that, ninth season. Therein lies the problem, the concept has run its course and has just been barely treading water. Tom Welling will be 50 years old by the time he finally dawns the tights and embraces his destiny, and meanwhile they are already toying with the idea of a tenth year. If TV were sports Smallville would be Bret Favre, sometime you just need to move on before you start to embarrass yourselves and disrespect your fanbase.

One Tree Hill

Once a guilty pleasure show for the exploits of one Sophia Bush, this show has since jumped the shark past laughable and became an unwatchable pathetic joke. Its as if they are in competition with Nip/Tuck to be the most ridiculous nonsensical show on TV. Think of something cliche and its happened to a character. Think of something ridiculous, add five more ridiculous things to it and that’s the story arc for one character in one episode. Really CW, you cancel Veronica Mars yet this pile of garbage is still on TV? WTF?

Entire CBS Lineup

Fairly straightforward, CBS shows just plain suck. The acting is cigar store Indian, the dialogue is about as authentic as a Skinamax sex scene, the character development is nonexistent and the storylines, well they for the most part don’t exist. Other than their sitcoms, you could take any main character on any of their shows and interchange them and you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. If it weren’t for the walking dead and the mental giants who find programing on The Weather channel compelling, CBS would be in worse shape than NBC.

So there you have it. A sure fire strategy guide for what your DVR needs to be filled with this fall. Enjoy.

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