I feel like that crazy dude that keeps trying to get everyone to listen to his friend’s band because he saw them in concert a few times and was so overwhelmed with jealousy that they possess even the slightest musical talent that he overcompensates his self-doubts by shamelessly promoting an otherwise mediocre group of people in the hopes that he will be accepted as one of them and not just the guy clapping his hands as loudly as possible in the front row.

Everyone I talk to goes “meh” about Kings. And for some reason that makes me mad. Not in a disappointed way like I was when Journeyman was canceled, but actually angry to an extent that I wonder what’s so wrong with physical violence. Mostly because no one can tell me what is wrong with it.

Kings is not a mass appeal show. People will not schedule church around it as they do American Idol. It is not for people who can’t understand the difference between a good show and an entertaining show. Because, quite frankly, Kings doesn’t try to lower itself to the standards of network television. Which is its biggest fault, it’s on network television.

Why? I’m not sure. Had it been on HBO or Showtime, people would be raving. The network would have known how to advertise it, and the show wouldn’t be interrupted by a series of companies trying to explain to you why, despite the current economic climate, you should spend what little money you have left on their product. Either that or show me a clip from one of the few remaining episodes of ER to show how far the plot has developed; a tank driving down the streets of Chicago, car wrecks every few minutes, and more dramatic events that attempted to compel and entertain, but wind up being frivolous and patronizing.

So yes, Kings fails. It doesn’t try to base itself in any sort of reality only to make a mockery of it. It doesn’t pretend to be something it’s not, although the network does everything in its power to do just that. And it doesn’t even bother to look back at all the people it has left behind.

No, Kings is just a bed time story. A brilliantly written, well shot, and superbly acted bed time story. If people aren’t willing to cleanse their pallets of Celebrity Apprentice than that’s fine. But don’t complain about the quality of network television any more, and don’t, for one second, blame Kings.

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