Game Reviews
Angry Birds Space Review

Yes, we did just review Mass Effect 3 a while back. That was an epic game set in space. And yes, it too was soured by a disappointing ending (more on what that is later in the review). But dammit, Angry Birds Space has reinvigorated my pooping. So much so that I relish seeing that porcelain throne, and put a spring in my step, closing the door with gusto. Alright, enough of all this potty talk.

For veterans of the previous titles Angry Birds and the post release iterations Seasons and Rio this game will be a departure. Although the Appstore juggernaut has had a meteoric rise across mobile platforms, among a vocal group the series has grown stagnant and prone to boredom. Space attempts to remedy these criticisms by, well — going into space.

I could describe to you in detail why this game is different from the previous versions, but for 99 cents you can form your own opinions. What I will tell you is the biggest difference isn’t the things Birds’ antagonists have been most vocal about. The physics are even more in limbo than they were on Terra Firma. In the vacuum of space, some objects float forever, and some simply stop. This leads to some rage induced shouting, wherein which everyone can hear you scream.

But this time, the game’s most infuriating aspect leads to some of its most fun laden thrills. I’ve never tried hurling a bird. But if I did, I’d want to see it careening through the atmosphere of a small moon, slingshot across the accretion disc of a singularity, and then topple over a mountain of debris and pigs. That’s what I paid for. That’s what I want.

Now I promised a disappointing ending. Not BioWare levels of disappointment, but disappointment nonetheless. For your buck you’re given 60 stellar levels filled with some exciting retro-gaming throwback bonuses hidden in between. However, when that’s over you’re introduced to the “Danger Zone”. You’re given the first level as a teaser to how difficult it will be, and then asked to purchase these levels for an additional dollar.

I don’t know which is more relevant, my cheapness or Rovio’s moneygrubbingness (sp?). But I do know this: that second buck will last me longer than the first. The Danger Zone levels are catered to the top tier. People like me basically. I can three star an entire page of levels in one shitting (pun). I’m in the 99 percentile of all players across iOS devices. I’d like to think if Rovio came to me and told me the fate of the world depended on my beating their newest game and handed me an iPad and toilet bowl I would rise (or sit) to the occasion. These levels will take even me a while.

So there you have it. For what it’s worth, Angry Bird fans will love this game, although the game they came for will be over quickly. Should they stay for the Danger Zone, it will undoubtedly be an experience they’re not used to: a challenge.