Lectures
popechief
The Cardinal Sins of Multiplayer Gaming

There are just some things that no one does in a video game – scratch that. There are some things that no one SHOULD do in a video game, but they do. They get yelled out, emailed to, spammed and reported on, but they do. I don’t know why they feel the need to do these things. I’m not a psychologist. But this is something everyone who’s ever played a game online – maybe even offline, has dealt with. The cardinal sins of multiplayer gaming are varied, but their intent is the same. Disrupting the fun of everyone else in a game.

Driving Backwards

Ever get that guy who’s in the eight place, you’ve lapped him twice, and you’ve got one lap to go. All of a sudden, he’s right in front of you when you’re about to claim first place as well as those achievements you’ve been dying to get. Oh happy day! There’s that guy – headed straight for you at over 100mph. Hey I wonder what he’s trying to – OMG! These people are around. They can’t play the game properly so they feel the need to ruin it for everyone else. Or maybe they’re blind. If so we should all feel bad, but I don’t see how they even had a chance of getting into the lobby if they were.

Spawn Camping

I’m familiar with the phrase “All is fair in love and war,” but it’s not. That’s why we have the Geneva Convention. And that’s why that girl you liked in high school’s boyfriend was as big as Lou Ferigno and beat you up. Is that fair? This is a message to all spawn campers: Why? Why do you sit by the enemy’s base and just snipe them as soon as they pop to life spawn camper? Chances are the enemy can’t be too happy already. They did just die. If you’re such a real soldier why sit there and be a douche? Are you trying to teach us a lesson spawn camper? That life is not fair, so why should Awesome Shooter 2009 be any different? Touche douche. Touche.

Button Mashing

You’ve got a time tested superb fighting strategy. You put together your FADCing and your XYBA and – I don’t know what I’m talking about. I’ll be honest, I button mash. But it doesn’t matter. I still get my ass whooped. There are however those people who make button mashing an art form. Bruce Lee once said that to defeat your enemy you must become like water, formless, without restriction. You can also hit every button on your controller and yell at your sister while on the headset too. That works. Water my ass.

Team Killing

Ever been the odd man out? When you’re in a party with a large group of friends, and then in the infinite wisdom of matchmaking it separates you from your team, placing you on the other team? When that happens to me I enjoy still being able to yell at them while I own them.  There are those who use the opportunity to shift the tide in their friends’ favor. That makes somewhat messed up sense. But those people who just do it because they’re assholes deserve to get the RROD. Sometimes it’s a real accident though. Like when you don’t mean to hit two of your friends in a vehicle with a rocket launcher. Totally not your fault bro.

Playing Music Over the Mic

Why? Do you really think everyone else likes Brittney Spears as much as you do? Stop it. There’s somethings that are appropriate over the microphone. The location of enemies, smack talk, your home phone number even. Not your horrible taste in music. Keep that to yourself.

Those are just the ones I can think of from my experience. Got any other examples you can think of?

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